“Refinement, Realignment, Refocus” - Summer 2017 Experience in SHPEP

I named Summer 2017 “Take Care”, because I wanted to seek wellness holistically, in spirit, mind, and body. I needed a revival in my spirit bruh, like coming out of the spring semester I was not a peace with myself and I felt like I disappointed the Lord and everyone around me by not being my best academically. My grades don’t define my worth but they are a reflection of my work ethic and diligence, and DANG. People usually have bad semesters earlier in their college careers, and I was really beating myself for not knowing better and be being better. Although I got accepted into the Summer Health Professionals Education Program (SHPEP) at Rutgers New Jersey Medical School, I was questioning if I deserved that spot because I really did not know whether or not I was cut out to still be a pre-med student.

So that's pretty much that’s how my summer started off y’all. Lots of doubt and confusion. But guess what? That is exactly what the Lord is NOT, He is a God of excellence, decency, and order and He will never have us lost in the sauce. This summer was about seeking the face of God and allowing the Lord to refine me in areas of my life that I was lacking and / or not fully submitting to Him. It was about reminding myself about my identity in Him and rediscovering my passion for the purpose for which I believe the Lord has called me. It was about RECLAIMING MY TIME  and being even more intentional about my present in order to secure my future. The Lord did all these things and more, and although there is so much more to learn, and I can say with confidence that He took care of me and that I am indeed walking into junior year as a new, refreshed and refocused Angela.

“Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined, purified and made spotless until the time of the end, for it will still come at the appointed time.” (Daniel 11: 33 NIV)

This was my season of refinement. The first part of that process consisted of me seeking the Lord desperately regarding characteristics, habits, or tendencies that I posses that may be prohibiting me. Last month’s blog post titled “Academic Intentionality” was a result of that. Coming to this realization was the first step to walking into the next school year with discipline and intentionality.

What really refreshed and refocused me was my overall experience at Rutgers New Jersey Medical School. There is something special about being around peers with the same passion as you that also share your struggles and doubts, but nevertheless are encouraged to persevere. Being educated and advised by accomplished health professionals of color that had their fair share of hardships and setbacks reminded me to not to define myself by my failure and to have faith for my test to be transformed into testimony! I was able to observe medical doctors at work, speak to successful medical students, listen to presentations from health professionals and more! These collective experiences reminded me why medicine excites and intrigues me so immensely.  Us SHPEP scholars all have the same passion, but with different backgrounds that brought us where we are, and different journeys lying ahead. We must continue to support and encourage one another, because we desperately need more minorities in healthcare and medical academia. Meeting peers from a wide range of colleges and universities and learning what drives them to seek careers in nursing, pharmacy, dentistry, medicine, etc., allowed me to remind myself of my own drive.

Why medicine? Why pediatric surgery? If I could not answer these questions then I for sure spent two year struggling with pre med classes at Cornell for nothing. Not only did I spend the summer consciously answering these two major questions, but I also battled with a third: How badly do I want this? I’m not actually going to answer these because this a blogspots and not a personal statement, but I will say this. The road to MD, no matter which one you take, is never easy. I know how hard I will have to work, especially with the past semester I had, to get there. I was honestly more focused on my natural capabilities than I was on the Lord’s will for me, that right there was the root of my doubt. I had to remind myself that if this was God’s will, then this downfall did not equate to a closed door. I must push forward and continue to run towards the promise He has for my life.

“These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David.What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open.  I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.” (Revelation 3:7-8 NIV)

If I did not have this summer experience, I strongly believe that I would have talked myself out of pursuing medicine. I applied to this program as a freshman and got denied, but had faith that sophomore year was my season. I cannot express how much more I needed this program as a sophomore than I would’ve ever needed it as a freshman. Needless to say, God’s timing is perfect. This summer I was more intentional about spending time talking to God and meditating on His word. I started journaling, which is greatly improving my walk and allowing me to keep track of my growth. Another key thing I did this summer was take on Bri Hall’s “Mindset Challenge” which can be found here: Change Your Mindset Challenge 2017 (Bri Hall) | The Secret. This was honestly a great way to avoid summer stagnancy, reclaim my time, and push for deeper intimacy with the Father. The goal of the challenge is develop habits that make us more cognizant of what we are feeding our minds: cutting of lyrical music (aside from gospel) and regular television shows and movies. These were replaced with inspiring and education podcast, documentaries, TED talks, books, etc. Each day serves as a pursuit for greater understanding and growth. The challenge is a month long and I started early July so I am still in the midst of it, but I am honestly loving every moment. I spend more time in prayer, and more time alone with my thoughts and emotions. The peace I have experienced in solitude this summer has been quite odd actually. Many things I used to run to my friends for I just dealt with between me and my God and that’s that. I found new independence from man by finding new dependence in God. It’s a great feeling.

The Lord has placed many things on my heart this summer, but the major theme has been walking in purpose.

1. A life that does not fulfill its purpose is a wasted life indeed.
2. It is so imperative to seek God above all, because if we don’t know His voice then we cannot follow His will.
3. We must embrace our individual journeys, through the trials and triumphs, remembering that the Lord will use everything for our good. Do not get contaminated and corrupted by comparison.
4. Remember it is okay to change your mind or say no. If it is not aligned with your purpose then it is not worth your time.
5. If you want it, plan for and prepare for it before the Lord gives it to you, be prepared to walk through any door He declares open.
6. Work hard and have a positive attitude even when you aren’t where you want to be. You never know who your helpers may be, do not allow your attitude to cause doors to be closed.
7. If God is not being glorified, then it will not last. If He is not the source then it will always scatter sooner or later.
8. God’s children are not sprinters but marathon runners, build your endurance in spirit and surround yourself with individuals that will run with you!

These are just a handful of the gems of the Lord has left me with this summer. The bottom line is that the only person that can withhold you from walking in purpose is yourself. Submit to God, walk in obedience, be diligent in all you set out to do, and the Lord will take you beyond your wildest dreams. Stay encouraged and remember that each season is for reason, wherever there is confusion the Lord can be clarity and confirmation if you seek Him.

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord,  and wait patiently for him to act. (Psalms 37: 5-7 NLT)