Introduction
In
October of 2015 our relationship came to a sudden end. We didn’t understand why
we had to break up nor did we want to, but we knew it was what God wanted us to
do. As time progressed, God gradually revealed to us the reasons for our break
up. Seven months later, we are amazed by how good God has been to us and how He
has transformed our individuals walks. Our friendship in Christ is now so much
greater than what our relationship was; thus, we want to share our experience.
Because there are so many people seeking relationships who simply aren’t ready
for them, we hope to encourage you to be patient, seek God, and enjoy the
season of singleness.
There are many things we should consult with
ourselves and with God before entering a relationship. For starters, what is
the intent of the individual you’re interested in? Can you see longevity in the
prospective relationship? Does the individual hold the same morals and beliefs
that you hold? All of those are great and all, but there’s a vital question
that must be asked before these: have you solidified your relationship with
Jesus Christ? If so, are you able to say that you have an
intimate relationship with God and that you seek Him diligently on a
daily basis? Has He shown you your identity and purpose in Him? Are you,
without a shadow of a doubt, walking in holiness and righteousness,
performing His will on this Earth until He calls you to spend eternity with Him
in heaven? If you’re hesitant or unsure about these questions, the answer is
no: you have not created a solid relationship with Jesus Christ. Before any
other relationship can form and prosper, your relationship with God must be
firm.
Many of us believers don’t consider these
questions before entering relationships, nor do we seek God for the yes or no.
Then we start to wonder why we fall into things such as lust, fornication,
sexual immorality etc. It is because God hasn’t given us our official licenses,
yet we’re making an attempt to drive full speed ahead. Without full training
and knowledge, we are bound to have accidents on the road.
Let’s look it at this way: accepting Christ is
like the time you were trying to get a driver’s license. Initially only adults
with proper licenses can be in a car with us while we drive so we can practice
our skills. Given that, God and our family are those ‘responsible adults’ who
are allowed in the car while we drive as they teach us to know what love is.
After months of practicing and strengthening your skills with the help of those
‘adults,’ you reach a point where those skills are ultimately tested to confirm
that you have acquired the proper knowledge and abilities to be safe on the
road through the provisional test. Similarly, our love lives should go through
such process where we must prove to ourselves and to God who we are so that we
can earn our ‘provisional license’ in loving others. In our love lives, we must
seek God for His timing, rather than decide for ourselves when we are
comfortable enough being alone to have a significant other. We must not allow
passengers into our cars prematurely and disrupt our sense of direction and
control on the road with Christ.
Whether
we want to accept it or not, the person we hold so dearly to us could be
prohibiting our walk with Christ. This is because God has not called for us to
be in an intimate relationship at this point in our lives. We begin to struggle
with situations we were not prepared for because we did not seek God concerning
the relationship in the first place. Along the line of balancing a premature relationship
and a relationship with Christ, one begins to receive more attention than the
other, and for many of us, our attention falls on our significant other rather
than God. God wants our time, God wants to break us, God wants to mold us, and
God wants to make us anew. But He can’t do that if we’re more concerned with
being intimate with a significant other rather than being focused
wholeheartedly on Him.
“Dear brothers and sisters, when I was with
you I couldn’t talk to you as I would to spiritual people. I had to talk as
though you belonged to this world or as though you were infants in Christ. I
had to feed you with milk, not with solid food, because you weren’t ready for
anything stronger. And you still aren’t ready, for you are still controlled by
your sinful nature.”( 1 Corinthians 3 :1-3 NLT)
Many of us aren’t ready for relationships
because we are still very much controlled by our sinful nature, dealing with
issues of lust, anger, unforgiveness, loneliness etc. We are considered infants
in Christ because God still has so much work to do in us! He wants to fix your
soul, spirit, and body. He wants to renew your heart and your mind. But by
disregarding God’s will and entering relationships as a baby in Christ, we not
only exacerbate our sin, but we also allow our brother or sister in Christ to
exacerbate their sin as well. Don’t cripple your brethren trying to run
together when God has only taught us how to crawl.
How do we
protect our faith and the faith of our peers? Enjoy this season of singleness
and allow God to transform us into the woman or man of God we were called to
be! Being single is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Everyone knows
that person who has always been in a relationship, in fact, that may even be
you. They enter relationships with the wrong motives simply because the other
person offers attention, good looks, gifts, or even sex. Whenever a
relationship ends there’s already another in the works, and that’s because
there are serious chains over that person’s life – chains that God wants to
break. However, they’re searching for multiple partners in hopes that one
individual will have the key that only God holds! God knows what He’s doing,
and He has not called for us to live lonely lives. But we have to be patient and
trust in Him, because every time we start a relationship we aren’t ready for,
we make it more difficult to draw near unto God.
·
When
was the last time I was single?
·
Can
I stand alone firmly as a believer?
·
Is
God proud of my relationship?
Many
of us are afraid to ask ourselves these questions. But the Holy Spirit will
minister to us whether we run from Him or not. Looking back on it, the short
period of heartbreak is nothing compared to the joy in Christ Tobi and I
experience now. Ending it was not easy, but it was worth it, so put your
emotions aside and trust God in faith that He knows what He’s doing. Remember
that the “history” you have with that person is nothing compared to the
eternity you can spend with Christ. Our faith should come before our
significant other’s emotions. We’re living to serve God, not to idolize our
“other halves” so don’t walk in disobedience by ignoring God’s will concerning
you and your significant other.
The
season of singleness is an opportunity for us to truly seek God and grow in
understanding of HIS love, so don’t take this period of your life for granted!
“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the
gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is
right.”(Songs of Solomon 3:5 NLT)
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