If
I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's
fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde.
Thank
you Siddiq for giving me this quote along with some oatmeal raisin cookies as I
started my Cornell journey as a resident of Ujamaa Residental College. A lot
has changed since then, but not the truth of this statement. At a school such
as Cornell, it is very easy to feel unworthy or inadequate, and it easy to feel
alone although you are surrounded by many.
As
I am halfway through my undergraduate journey, I just want to thank the Lord
for surrounding me with an awesome support system. Thank you for Ujamaa
community that showers individuals with unwavering love and support. Thank you
to the ladies of Les Femmes de Substance for
being extraordinary women of color and aiding my development into the strong
woman I am today. Thank you African Dance Repertoire for
being my second family and allowing me to do what I love. To everyone I have
had the privilege of meeting and building a relationship with since my time
here on the hill began, thank you for being a blessing to me in one way or the
other.
This
year I asked the Lord to use me on my campus because I felt as though I was too
dependent and comfortable with the great community of believers I have in
Maryland. When I tell you the Lord did not waist time lol not only did He send
individuals to me but He allowed me to step out of comfort in order to minister
to others. By far, the best moment of this semester was being used as vessel to
help Ariana Sha'uri Otto give
her life to Christ. This girl has jumped from associate to friend to family
member and literally two semesters. Thank you for your love and support!
Another was ministering at Africa Ball and being crowned Miss. Africa 2017,
which is nothing short of amazing. God receives all the glory for these things!
Okay
so back to the relevance of this quote. There's something even better than
defining yourself, and that is finding your identity in Christ. You see, I
could easily shift my definition of myself based off what others think of me or
expect from me, I can tell myself what I am not good enough when I see others
are flourishing while I am barely making it through. But since I have the
spirit of the Lord within me, I am aware that there is nothing and no one that
can stop me from being great. My journey is like no other, and although it may
not seem clear at times where exactly I am going, I know my finish line is the
hands of the Father. I surrender comparison to Him, along with feelings of
inadequacy and anxiousness of what the further holds. And instead of sitting
here nervously waiting for these grades to come out, I chose to rejoice simply
because I made it out alive and well. For anyone who may feel discouraged by
the results of your semester, reflect on all that God has done for you this
school year and be grateful because that is a testimony in itself.
As
I close this super long post I want to Ieave you all with a verse to mediate
on: "So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must
endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith
is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your
faith is far more precious than mere gold. So, when your faith remains strong
through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the
day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." (1 Peter 1: 6-7
NLT)
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